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Still, props to the guy for his math skills. And consumers do, in general, have a right to information before purchasing a service.

Masseuses don't resent hobbyists for publicizing the quality of their handjobs. They resent hobbyists for outing other details, such as their real names and locations:.

Amy "I also got a few shots of her mom trying on underwear at Sears, if that helps. Dammit, random creeper. If she's gone, she probably isn't looking to be found.

And if she's using multiple names, she probably isn't looking to be identified. You should know. You're posting under an alias yourself.

Amy "I'm standing up for the little guy, and there's no littler guy than my penis. If the creepiness stayed on the Internet, it would be bearable.

But when you're a masseuse, you get all of the pain of a brothel without the protection of a pimp. Remember how parlors have no beds?

Yeah, Amy would sleep on the table and be awoken for sex without warning. One time, three guys stormed in together at 5 a.

Amy, outside, could hear them getting aggressive, so she entered the room and intervened. She was thrown against the wall for her trouble, but she got them to leave in the end.

Some days later, one came back. Amy had set up camp for the night in the laundry room the towels may be jizz-soaked, but they're still fluffy , dammit , and the guy walked into it past the Employees Only sign.

He closed the door behind him, turned off the light, and fastened the lock with the two of them inside. He ended up leaving without anything happening, but Amy was terrified.

She got her happy ending in the form of a string of different jobs. Some were in sucky retail places that paid minimum wage, and while she sure missed the money, she liked them all better than her time at the parlor.

She was also, at one point, an independent escort, and that went great. Instead of all of this pretense of a "massage," she could be straight with the clients -- and do it on an actual bed.

Ryan Menezes is an editor and interviewer here at Cracked. Follow him on Twitter. Be sure to follow us on Facebook and YouTube, where you can catch all our video content, such as If You Could Have Dinner And Sex With Any Famous Figure and other videos you won't see on the site!

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